Few jobs are as specialized and challenging as that of the church sound guy. Performing in such a pivotal role requires tremendous skill and is not for the faint of heart. Are you embarking on the wild and unpredictable journey of running sound at your church?

The Babylon Bee has compiled the following helpful guide to serving as a church sound guy:

If you can hear the bass player, decrease his volume: Better yet, just never turn it up in the first place.

If something goes wrong, just start turning random knobs and pushing buttons: You may have no clue about how to fix it, but you'll eventually hit the right button.

During sound check, give the background singers a thumbs up as you slowly turn their dial down to an inaudible level: Nobody wants to hear them.

Put up the lyrics for t

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