It’s time to reveal the winners of our Volcanic Ash joke-writing contest, in which readers were invited to submit punchlines to finish state Transportation Director Ed Sniffen’s declaration that Honolulu rail “is setting us up for our connected, and resilient and sustainable systems.”

I wanted to start by telling you that reading your entries was the highlight of my week — but don’t get cocky because my only other major event was getting a Foley catheter stuck in me. Then I looked up the last time I ran one of these contests and I used the same line, except that week I got a colonoscopy.

The moral: These joke contests are really tough on my aging innards. (And it’s amazing how many entries involved the colon and bladder.)

Anyway, back to Sniffen, starting with the five winners I found f

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