KENNEWICK, WA- The situation at a local elementary school became dire as the Christmas performance entered its punishing tenth minute.

The choral and instrumental performance lead several parents to consider drastic measures such as jumping out a nearby window or faking a heart attack.

"I don't know how much more I can take," dad Mark Greyson said. "The teacher just said they've got five more songs and no one has touched those handbells yet…I know those things are coming out at some point. Plus, the recorders. Lord, have mercy!"

Parents, whose smiles had vanished by minute number two, became increasingly desperate as the performance plugged on. "There must be a way to escape," sighed mom Elizabeth Montauk. "The window is too high, and I sat so close to the front, fool that I am. Why did

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