THE English curriculum is to be changed to remove double Latin with Michael Gove to instead reflect the realities of the 21st century. These are the new subjects:

AI

Artificial intelligence is embedding itself into everyday life to the point where you cannot turn on a f**king tap without it, so children must be educated. The new syllabus will teach pupils the difference between actual art and slop, that an AI is not your girlfriend and how to politely explain to their future boss that using AI on this project will never, ever work.

Vaping

Children will be taught at exhausting length why vaping is uncool and harmful to their street cred. Former vapers will speak in assemblies about how puffing away on strawberry-scented clouds destroyed their friendships, and youth counsellors will hand

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