WASHINGTON, D.C. - A few days after the Biden Administration announced its new "Free Government Crack Pipes for Equity" program, the president's son Hunter was seen sneaking around the premises in a false mustache and glasses to see where he could get one for himself.

"Pssst! Hey you!" said Hunter to one White House staffer from behind a red curtain. "I'm the new... um... crack pipe inspector. Y'all know where I can get me one of them free government crack pipes, you know, to inspect it?"

The staffer pointed the strange-looking yet vaguely familiar man to a storage room in the West Wing where the President keeps all his extra crack pipes.

Experts say that distributing free crack pipes will make America a more racially equitable place somehow. When pressed over how this would work exactl

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