How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Stoya and Rich here. It’s anonymous!

Dear How to Do It,

Is it always a bad idea to hook up with an ex? I had a pretty serious boyfriend in my mid-20s—we even lived together for about a year and a half. Our breakup was messy—it was his doing, a total surprise, and it truly broke me at the time. Our friends ended up taking sides, and it blew up into a whole thing. We had a clean break—we never spoke again after he left our place and packed his things. I moved on and I can honestly say I feel completely healed from that era of my life. It feels like a lifetime ago. I’ve explored sex and relationships very widely since and I am currently single. Everything is great. Except for that he’s back.

Apparently, h

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