The Quiet Shock of Erotic Grief

Key points

For many women, menopause brings a strange loneliness—not just in the body, but in identity.

For many men, changes in arousal or erections can feel like a loss of agency or confidence.

Desire can be rebuilt, reinvented, and reborn.

No one warns you about erotic grief .

We hear about and live menopause , testosterone changes, cancer treatment, chronic illness , and the slow, steady realities of aging—but almost no one prepares us for this part: One day, desire may not be as effortless as it once was. It may not rise on command. It may go quiet, or slow down, or disappear for stretches.

And that shift can break your heart a little.

Not because sex is everything—but because it used to feel like a natural expression of aliveness, connection, and self.

And yes, this