NEW HAMBURG, ON

According to sources, a group of Mennonite ladies from southern Ontario have banded together to control the supply of quilts into the region. The cartel, known as the Ontario Producers of Elaborate Quilts (OPEQ), has been accused of setting the price of quilts artificially high.

“They’re pretty shifty, those quilting ladies,” said Bloomberg Business news commentator Maria Wall. “They’ve got all these quilts and they’re just sitting on them and driving up the price.”

As a result of OPEQ’s activities, the price of quilts at the MCC Relief Sale soared to records highs.

“I’ve never seen prices like this before,” said Wall. “I mean, the prices are so high, I’ve switched from premium unleaded quilts to just regular.”

The OPEQ producers also control the price of doilies, afgh

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