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Let us rejoice, for teachers unions have once again rallied to protect the futures of vulnerable children by demanding months of remote learning.

If you are too ignorant to see how beneficial remote learning can be for your school-aged children, then let us blow you away with these facts:

1) It prepares them for life as adult drones staring at screens for hours: Experts agree, the one thing children need more of is screen time.

2) It will definitely not lead to a mental health crisis and surging suicides like it did last time: Additionally, it is sure to stop the spread of COVID-19, THIS TIME.

3) Face-to-face interaction sometimes leads to free thinking: We are well aware of the dangers caused by free thinking, aren't we comrade?

4) Slight reduction in wedgies:

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