You're Asking for Too Much When You're Overthinking

Key points

When we obsess, we frequently search for root causes or definitive answers, which life seldom provides.

Often, we can't fully know why we failed or were rejected, but we still have to make choices anyway.

Thinking can easily become merely existing, which is the enemy of truly living.

Therapists, myself included, fall into a particular trap. A patient will say something like “I’m the common denominator” or ask “What am I doing wrong?” On the surface, these seem insightful, indicating a high degree of responsibility, which is what, generally, clinicians hope for; we want our patients to hold themselves accountable. Additionally, since most of us are people-pleasers, caring deeply about living up to our high standards for the profession, we provide personal interpretations that