ST. LOUIS, MO — After hearing another cry to the Almighty over a broken McDonald's ice cream machine, the Lord sent an angel to reassure believers that in Christ's Kingdom the machines will at least work the majority of the time.

"Behold! I bring you glad tidings of great joy!" said the angel to a terrified host of McDonald's patrons. "When the Son of Man comes into His Kingdom in glory, when every tear is wiped away, so too shall the ice cream machine at McDonald's start working! Well, at least like 67% of the time. Hallelujah!"

The few gathered in the McDonald's broke into songs of praise, filled with awe and wonder at the news. "Can you imagine?" said local man Reggie Burris to his wife Carolyn. "One day, in our glorified bodies, coming to McDonald's and being able to - more often tha

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