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BELLEFONTAINE, OH - According to reports from Redeemer Church, teacher Lance Trenton was clearly "just taking a wild stab" at the meaning of every symbol he attempted to explain during the church's Tuesday night Bible study on the book of Revelation.
"Yeah, so here in chapter 9 we've got these freaky locust guys, and I'm just gonna go ahead and say they're helicopters. Sure, helicopters - Apaches, most likely," Trenton said, an apparent note of uncertainty in his voice. "Then there's this woman and dragon, some kind of serpent, and a little kid comes in the picture somewhere - uh, let's just go ahead and go with 'this is a spiritual metaphor for the Papacy.' Yeah, that's it."
During the study, witnesses confirmed that an attendee raised her hand and asked what the grea

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