THE internet is not real life, and practices discovered upon it should not be attempted IRL. Unless you long to be single, keep any suggestion of these to yourself:

Watersports

No, not stand-up paddleboarding. And if you didn’t meet your partner on a specialist website there’s no easy way to broach this one. ‘Would you like me to wee on you?’ is just as unacceptable as ‘Would you mind awfully weeing on me?’ Appending the word ‘darling’ won’t help, you’re a filthy pissing bastard and the relationship is over.

Scrotal inflation

You’re unlikely to be considered ‘a keeper’ if you casually suggest your boyfriend injects saline solution into his ballsack to make them swell up like party balloons. ‘I only want it because I love you so much,’ will change nothing. He’ll be out of the door befor

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