CAMBRIDGE, MA — Harvard University, long viewed as one of the most prestigious learning institutions in the world, ushered in a new era of education today by appointing Kanye West as its new Dean of Students.

"This is a logical next step in the clear direction our school is taking," said Harvard President Claudine Gay, who was hired because she is a female of color and her last name is "Gay." "In keeping with this institution's commitment to diversity, we wanted someone who not only connects with today's students but who also has a problem with Jews. Kanye is a fitting addition to our leadership team."

"Yo, I thank you for giving me this opportunity," said Kanye. "I really need the money right now, actually. I'm looking forward to addressing the Jewish problem here at Harvard. Seriously,

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