How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Jessica and Rich here . It’s anonymous!

Dear How to Do It,

My husband and I have been married for three years, and we have a 2-year-old child. For the first six months of our relationship, we had a healthy, regular sex life. After that, my husband was not interested in sex, and for about two years, we had it very infrequently. My husband recently revealed to me that during that time, he thought a lot about why he would often become disinterested in sex with partners after being with them for a short amount of time (about six months).

He discovered that a particular kink is extremely important to him, and that moving forward, it will be an essential part of sex for him. He has never incorporated thi

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