Key points

Modern advice often blurs the line between short-term and long-term dating and mating strategies.

These strategies have different goals, sociosexual orientations, and standards for choosing a mate.

As a result, hooking up and hoping for a relationship often doesn’t lead to long-term love and commitment.

There is a misconception in modern culture and popular advice that you must first have uncommitted sex with dating partners, to then possibly “slide” your way into a long-term relationship or marriage with them. Nevertheless, this is not how the process of attraction and relationship formation works. In fact, it runs counter to much of the social science research and underlying mating dynamics of romantic relationships .

Put simply, as I discuss in my book Attraction

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