EAGAN, MN — Sources report local 15-year-old Brandon Michaels just had his entire social life absolutely ruined after his father used the term "rizz" in front of his friends.

According to eyewitnesses, Michaels' father, a 45-year-old optical technician who prefers calf-length white crew socks, walked into the backyard to find his son in the middle of a pull-up contest with three of his friends on the family swing set. Michaels' father then grinned devilishly before completely demolishing his son's reputation and potential future chances of having a girlfriend forever. "No, no, Brandon. Chin-ups only work your biceps," said Mr. Michaels, demonstrating. "Wider grip…wider grip…good! Doing real pull-ups will get you a lot more…what's it again? More rizz! Much more rizz!"

As his friends burst

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