U.S. - Americans in several states are readily adopting new social distancing measures that will guarantee that no one ever gets sick again. California, New York, Michigan and Washington state legislatures have all issued new orders to their citizens to indefinitely don a plastic hamster ball whenever they decide to travel outside their home. The human-sized hamster balls are made to be impervious to all foreign particulate matter from the outside world including viruses, bacteria, and oxygen.

"I guess if it keeps everybody safe, we have to accept the new normal," said Carol from Seattle, WA, as she attempted to climb into the hollow sphere and snap the plastic portal back into a tight seal so she could get over to the grocery store. When she reached her car she quickly realized that sh

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