Brought to you by: American Principles Project

U.S. — A recent study published by the American Federation of Teachers has revealed remarkable progress in educating America's youth. Notably, the study reports the nation's fourth-graders are now gay at a 12th-grade level.

This good news comes at a crucial time for the oft-criticized public education system, as it can now show that American tax dollars are actually being used effectively.

"Fourth graders with 12th-grade gayness is just one of the many positive results of public education," said AFT president, Randi Weingarten, "We're also seeing a rise in gender fluidity, trans-speciesism, and astounding progress in overt sexualization of kindergarten children."

Weingarten continued, saying public education's productivity in these categor

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