WHAT is the best university in the country? It’s largely as you’d expect, but we’ve thrown in a few wildcards to con upper middle class kids into spending three years on the Humber:

1. Cambridge

It’s old and fancy and all the scientists went there, plus former BNP leader Nick Griffin, so we’ve put it top because to do otherwise would be mad, right? We’ve got to build credibility here.

2. Imperial College London

Where nerds go, but in central London so they must logically be the best nerds. And they tend to really perform on University Challenge which is what employers look for.

3. Hull

Ah, the hallowed seat of British learning whose alumni include over half of all prime ministers and billionaires. Definitely. This isn’t just a gag based on who’s next on the list.

4. Oxford

Not wh

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