THE SHIRE — Sources close to Peregrin "Pippin" Took report that the hobbit still suffers from PTSD flashbacks any time he witnesses someone in his general vicinity eating a cherry tomato.

Reportedly, Pippin's phobia stems from a traumatic experience he suffered in Minas Tirith, where he was forced to sing a song for the Steward Denethor as he gulped down a banquet of chicken, grapes, and bread. Sources say that Pippin's latest episode came shortly after his cousin Merry inadvertently indulged in a salad containing cherry tomatoes during his second after-lunch snack.

"The juice…augh, sweet mercies, the juice!" cried Pippin, quaking uncontrollably and on the verge of tears. "Please, oh please make it stop…the chewing, the echo through the room of the spurting tomato guts, the seeds flying

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