How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Jessica and Rich here . It’s anonymous!

Dear How to Do It,

I’m a 26-year-old woman and a barback, and my fiancée, a 25-year-old woman, is in medical school.

Since I work long, late shifts and she’s, you know, in med school, finding time to have sex is tough. We both have VERY high sex drives, so it’s not for lack of trying! But for now, it seems like we’re both stuck jacking off at alternate hours and texting about it later. The only problem is that I get a lot of my personal sexual joy out of making her feel good (I top most of the time, although I love when she does want to top me back—again, I just want her to feel good!), and unless I’m constructing a totally elaborate scenario to jack off to,

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