How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Jessica and Rich here . It’s anonymous!

Dear How to Do It,

Sex with my wife seems so fraught these days. There’s so much baggage.

It has to be scheduled. OK, fine. I came on to her last night, but she said, “No, wait until tomorrow when it’s scheduled.” Then, when the scheduled time arrived, she said she couldn’t do it because she had a work call. She also said she doesn’t want to do it, but she will do it later to make me happy. That (not enthusiastically consenting sex) doesn’t make me happy.

She also wants me to read a book she got me on sex. The book is neither great nor terrible. So I’m going to force myself to finish it. Actually, I would prefer to read the book rather than have sex with an

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