ANYONE else sick of gym bros saying you need to give up booze to get shredded? I’ve made heavy drinking part of my workout and I’m fitter than a Navy SEAL. You can be too:

Carry a keg around with you

Lifting a glass is easy, even for gays, but health-conscious people like me carry around a keg of beer at all times. It’s great for upper-body strength, and vital when you’ve got the DTs before telling five-star generals they’re obese losers with no self-discipline.

Find exercises you can pair with a drink

Most gyms have a chest press machine, but I prefer dumbbell curls because they leave your other hand free to hold a martini. Just find out what works for you. My personal basic workout routine is: eight sit-ups, eight pull-ups, eight vodkas. Repeat. Sometimes I get so into the zone I hav

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