HENDERSON, NV — Tough, independent woman Maggie Stallings once again told her husband today that he absolutely must leave the toilet seat down or she will actually fall into the commode.

"I need a man to do this for me or I will literally die," said Mrs. Stallings, staring at the raised toilet lid. "It's such a heavy lid and I simply can't trust myself to know if it's up or down. One wrong move, and I'm a goner!"

Although an otherwise highly capable and intelligent woman, the toilet seat has remained Mrs. Stallings' kryptonite. "I can speak three languages and build my own furniture, but you put me in front of a toilet and I'm clueless," said Mrs. Stallings. "Not only am I at a loss as to what to do, I am overtaken with the fear of death that accompanies every trip to the bathroom. It's

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