'A Man’s Home Is His Castle,’ Says Man Sitting Under 25 Floral Throw Pillows

PALMDALE, CA - This week, local man Joseph Briones gave a rousing speech to his family about his role as king of his home. During his monologue, Briones cast a compelling vision of male leadership, all from under 25 floral pillows on the couch.

"A man can do whatever he wants in his own four walls - he reigns supreme and unchallenged on his property." Mr. Briones pawed away one of the small pillows encroaching on him while he spoke. "Provided everything gets approved by the missus, nobody can tell a man what to do in his castle!"

Eyewitnesses confirm that notes of lavender and cat dander wafted through the air, causing Briones to have an explosive allergic reaction. "I'm a bit allergic to cats, so we only have four - yes siree, my wife is lucky I'm so permissive in my domestic rule of th