GRAND RAPIDS, MI

In many Bibles, red letters denote the words of Jesus Christ of Nazareth. Now, however, they’ll be used to denote the words of inexplicably popular Texas preacher Joel Osteen, who has decided to release a new ‘Red Letter Edition’ of his latest book.

“From to , I’ve sold millions of inane books and made millions of dollars doing so,” said Osteen. “This new Red Letter Edition book is just one way of solidifying my lofty status within my growing following of particularly naive individuals.”

Over the years, Osteen’s words have done much to help millions of people reach their full potential…which for some reason is significantly more modest than his own.

“Highlighting them in red will make people take my words even more seriously than they already do,” said Osteen. “It’ll r

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