How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Stoya and Rich here. It’s anonymous!

Dear How to Do It,

I’m a 20-year-old woman with very little sexual experience. I am also extremely horny and fed up with being a virgin; recently, I realized I’m bisexual, and the time feels ripe to do … something. Here’s where I get stuck.

I know I’m not interested in casual penis-in-vagina sex right now, and I feel a little freaked out by the thought of giving oral my first time (not the least because I have a very strong gag reflex and TMJ). I want to hook up, but the pool of people interested in only receiving hand stuff in a hookup seems very limited, and I don’t know where or how I’d go looking. I’m not sure how to both cut to the chase and have it be a slow c

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