BEAUMONT, TX — Local man Michael Strong looked wistfully out the window, longing for the good old days when Black Friday shopping was all in person and people feared for their very lives.
Clicking a mouse to order a new bluetooth speaker, Strong sighed, pining for the times when scoring a deal on electronics meant taking on the real risk of shedding this mortal coil.
"It's just not the same," said Strong. "We used to spend Thanksgiving week getting our affairs in order, making sure our will was up to date. Then came Black Friday, and you were up at 2 a.m. to get in line, spending the wee hours of the morning chatting with the people you would soon try to kill. You never knew if you'd be coming home with a flatscreen or coming home in a body bag. Now here I am, ordering things online, not

The Babylon Bee

America News
KETV NewsWatch 7
Daily Voice
Law & Crime
Raw Story
Atlanta Black Star Entertainment
NBC News NFL
New York Post