THE Chinese spy scandal has dominated headlines all week, and in an unguarded moment you may have picked up a few details about it. What is it about?

Julian Cook, property developer: “China paid good money to be told that Jeremy Hunt would pull out of the 2022 Tory leadership race when actually he was eliminated in the first ballot. I know I’d want a f**king refund.”

Lucy Parry, runner: “I imagine they’re trying to clone our world-conquering original TV formats. The next Traitors, Taskmaster or Strictly could be worth billions to them.”

Norman Steele, football agent: “Since that other scandal was about Keir Starmer’s chicken korma, this one must be about him having a beef chow mein.”

Susan Traherne, biochemist: “Have they found out there’s not as many of us as there is of them?

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