How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Jessica and Rich here . It’s anonymous!

Dear How to Do It,

I’m a 30-year-old woman and was recently hooking up with a guy who had a thing for being submissive. During our hookup, he increasingly asked me to take charge (including, at one point, spanking him several times in a row), and I surprised myself.

I happily obliged. I don’t know that it got me off, per se, but I was happy to help him get off, and it was still fun for me in the moment to take on this character. Afterward, we talked about it, and he said even though I’d said I was looking to be more submissive in a relationship, I seemed to have enjoyed taking charge, and he asked me if it was something I was interested in exploring. I never

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