Moral Perfectionism and the Selfishness of Shame

Key points

Moral perfectionists are often so preoccupied with following rules that they overlook others' needs.

When rules don't have exceptions, following them can cause unintended harm to others.

Learning to live with (some) shame can improve our relationships.

Being good only matters when it positively affects others, at least in the long-term if not the short. Sometimes, however, people become so preoccupied with being good that they aren’t, or at least not as often as they believe themselves to be. There is such a thing as being too good, when one’s so-called goodness is harmful. This discrepancy between what one believes is good and what actually is is prevalent in moral perfectionism, or the obsessive pursuit of moral purity.

Moral perfectionism entails self-sacrifice, rigid et