Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here .

Dear Care and Feeding,

My wife wants the family to spend Christmas with her parents.

But our two kids (ages 7 and 9) want to spend it at home, and, admittedly, so do I. My in-laws are difficult to deal with; they criticize us all endlessly, their house perpetually reeks of steamed vegetables, and frankly, I’d welcome rectal cancer over having to spend a week with them. Should the kids and I conveniently come down with a case of food poisoning right before it’s time for the visit?

—Your Parents Suck

Dear Your Parents,

Don’t lie to your wife. And absolutely don’t ever suggest your children lie to her. Come clean but without being mean. Her parents don’t have to suck (

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