We usually publish satire, but today is April 1, and we wanted to write straight news for once. Just because we are jokesters does not mean we don't have real thoughts, opinions, and emotions, and once in a while we just have to get them out. Also stop saying mean things about our satire; it hurts our feelings.

So here it goes: Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is a strong, intelligent woman. We are always impressed with her intellect and wit. Yes, we poke fun from time to time, but that's because we care. We do not actually believe she would strangle herself while trying to tie a shoe or that she would go on The Price is Right and guess that everything is free. That's just crazy talk. And let's get real here: anyone who does not like her is obviously just threatened by a strong, powerful woma

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