WASHINGTON, DC

From tanks and planes, to missiles and atomic bombs, the United States Department of Defense recently made billions of dollars worth of high powered military equipment available to “whoever the hell wants them” on Internet auction site eBay. The weapons were quickly snatched up by some random dude at the ‘Buy it Now’ price of $110 billon.

“It’s nice to know that these weapons are going to a good home,” said government spokesperson John Richards. “When we sell weapons, we always make sure they’ll be used by someone who respects American values of peace, democracy, women’s rights, and so on…or at least someone who’s got a decent eBay feedback rating and a few billion dollars.”

The weapons deal is the largest in both US and eBay history.

“We always say bigger is better…and

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